The best (or worst?) of 700 years of life advice
Hilarious life tips from medieval through Victorian times.
Some of this content was originally published on my website, History Hustle.
Here’s a compilation of life tips I’ve found from medieval times, the Renaissance, and through Victorian times. Enjoy.
Medieval
On checking whether someone is dead:
"...if there is any doubt as to whether a person is or is not dead, apply lightly roasted onion to his nostrils, and if he be alive, he will immediately scratch his nose.”
From "Breviarium Bartholomei" Johannes de Mirfield, 1380 C.E
Or, you know, see if they’re breathing.
On potty etiquette:
"A urinating man should habitually project a chilly silence."
From "Book of the Civilized Man", Daniel of Beccles, 13th century
“Bro code” from the 13th century.
On young men and cats:
"Young men should not hate cats because they are the cause of great happiness and can assist in achieving success in matters of love with young and charming ladies."
From "The Distaff Gospels " c. 1470 C.E
Big if true.
Renaissance
On dancing:
“When you fall, pick yourself up quickly, and go back to finishing the dance energetically without complaining at all: pa-trim pa-tro-lo! And if you don’t get up, you will not be able to fall any further: there is nowhere to fall for one who is lying on the floor.”
"Leges dansandi,” Antonius Arena, 1530
And if someone records it with their phone, demandeth they delete it.
On say it don’t spray it:
"Take heed that with thy spettle thou bedew not his face with whom thou speakest..."
Francis Hawkins, Youths Behaviour, 1646
Instead of “sorry, did I just spit on you?” say “did I bedew thy face?”
On talking about your kids all the time:
"Those who are constantly talking about their children... 'Yesterday my boy made me laugh so much. Listen to this...You have never seen a more lovable son than my Momo...' No-one has so little to do that he has the time to answer or even to listen to such nonsense and so it irritates everyone."
Galateo: A Renaissance, Treatise on Manners by Giovanni Della Casa, 1558
And this is before Facebook was a thing.
On double dipping:
"It is boorish to redip half-eaten bread into the soup."
"On Good Manners,” Erasmus, 1530
The matter is settled.
On dancing (again):
"...never fart when you are dancing; grit your teeth and compel your arse to hold back the fart... No woman desires a man with rabies. And refrain from spitting before the maidens, because that makes one sick and even revolts the stomach."
From "Rules of Dancing," Antonius Arena, 16th century
You’re really gonna throw “rabies” in there like that and not explain further?
Victorian
On unwanted male attention:
"If he sits near you and seems disposed to be impertinent, or obtrusive in his attentions or conversations, lower your veil and turn from him, either looking from the window or reading."
"The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness" 1857
Headphones are not enough. Bring back veils.
On talking abut your kids too much (again):
Papas and mammas should beware of putting the patience of the general hearer to the test by very lengthy accounts of the clever speeches or wonderful achievements of their hopeful progeny.
"The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness" 1857
Somebody needs to hear this, I’m sure.
Thanks for going on this life advice journey with me.
- Joe
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Poem of the week
There was an Old Man who supposed by Edward Lear (1846)
There was an Old Man who supposed,
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large rats, ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile old gentleman dozed.